Friday, 23 August 2013

What would your sex map look like?

Newsflash- diverse language to describe sexual preferences isn't limited to the queer community. Who'd have thought it?! Well, a lot of people actually.

In the world of queer I'm used to the discourse of sex. We have a wide and ever expanding set of terms we used to specicfy, negotiate and demonstrate how, who, why, where, what. (E.g. stone femme, stone butch, top, bottom, switch, pillow queen, spaghetti, barebacking, scissoring, rimming and on and on).

And why do we have this jargon? Well it's because we understand that sex isn't simply a do or don't. There's no formula, no plan, no rules to how someone can experience pleasure. The language is amazing and serves a really important purpose. Through it we can understand our friends, ourselves and our sexual partners' needs, wants and boundaries.

But is there a better way to communicate this? Would a diagram help? A nice little up front visual representation of the 'want will won't' system? A sex map!?

In an interview with Seattle Psychology Allena Gabosch stated that human sexuality is a 'globe'. That really struck me, it's an excellent metaphor. And it means we can all 'explore' (if we wish) the varied lands of sexuality, sexual preference and fetish/kink.

I didn't really think about this much more until I noticed (on a few OK Cupid profiles) links to a particular website where you can map your experiences, desires and boundaries. People had theirs right out there for prospective dates to see. And though obviously, open communication between sexual partners will never be replaced, the kink map could prosper where ego and sexual shame prevents communication.

Now, this version definitely isn't perfect. It only details kink and some of the acts it has on it are pretty gimmicky. And some I'd never heard of, for instance 'the jelly donut'. But it's a start. I'd love to see a version of this that takes into account not only fetish, but sexuality and relationships. There are some things I think shouldn't be on the map too, for instance the island of non-consent? (I'm not talking about agreeing to forgo consent and having a safe word). Non-consent isn't sex for any person involved.

That aside, the concept of the Human Sex Map is excellent. And it really demonstrates how diverse sexuality and sexual preference is. But would you be willing make yours public?

(If you have any queries, suggestions or funny pictures of cats please get in touch via facebook or by emailing me

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