On women only train carriages

I often utilise women only spaces (officially ones or unofficial ones) to avoid harassment in public & at social events (toilets, gyms, kitchens at parties, clothes shops) and, you know what? It works. The issue of public transport is the issue of choice. Now, it would be real simple if you and your buddies could make the honourable choice to stop flexing your metaphorical members in a cat call-off on a Friday night, but my experience has concluded that you can’t. So the idea of women only coaches on trains and tubes (proposed for consultation with women by Jeremy Corbyn) is one simple (by no means 100% solve-all option to give women a choice to be in a carriage with no men in it. Now, whilst there may be problems with this idea (that would be useful  for women to discuss together) men have taken to twitter to air their disgust at this policy idea. 

I have been harassed on public transport since the age of 14. Telling me that this ‘could easily happen to men’ even though it doesn’t is telling me that I, at age 14 on the train from Southport to Appley Bridge deserved to be cornered and & have middle aged men interrogate me about body.

Because the truth of the matter is in the last eleven years I have grown to expect to be sexually harassed and assaulted on public transport with very little support from other passengers. And when that support comes it is usually from other women.

Every time I have been harassed on public transport it has been (to my knowledge) by a man 99.9% of these instances the man has been white 99.9% of instance he has been unchallenged.

-It was a man who repeatedly tried to touch me on an empty platform in Liverpool when I was 21.

-It was a man who harassed me on a weekly basis on the 395 bus from Ormskirk to Skelmersdale, who got annoyed when I refused to speak to him and followed me part of the way home when I was 19.

-It was a man who rubbed his genitals on my hip on the London Underground when I was 18.

-It was a man who intercepted another man who was drunkenly propositioning me at Ormskirk bus station only to then sexually harass me for the entire journey home when I was 22. Imagine that- getting sexually harassed whilst you’re being sexually harassed.

-It was a group of boys (age 12-16) who spat at me, threw food and drinks at me & chanted names at me every morning on the school bus in Shevington when I was 14.

-It was a man who touched my body without my consent on the 143 bus in Manchester when I was 23. And who got the funny looks when I shouted over to my friend  ‘Ew this man is trying to grope me’? Oh yeah, me.

-It was a man who rubbed his thigh against my leg and read over my shoulder on the bus last night.

-It was a group of four men who made comments about my fat body this morning at the coach station.

I am 25.

I have been spat at, cornered, followed, groped, shouted at, whispered to, blocked from moving, stared at, spoken about, had pictures taken of me, been called names, been coerced into conversation, been sexually shamed & had my belongings confiscated.

I have tried ignoring it, challenging, discussing it, reporting it, shouting back, glaring, asking other passengers for help & physical confrontation.

Any whilst it might hurt a few feelings for men who have decided that this is ‘segregation’ (which is not only pretty flagrant use of a racially charged word but just horrifically incorrect) or that ‘all carriages should be harassment free’ (yeah, they should, but erm, they aren’t & I don’t see you looking up from your copy of the Telegraph to challenge other men on their behaviour) I can’t help but feel cheated.

Yet again men’s views are privileged above women’s safety and autonomy. That same privilege that comes into play when a man decides his desire to touch a woman comes before her permission. Your feelings are hurt?  Your FEELINGS are hurt. Fine. That doesn’t make your beliefs correct. This isn’t Dawson’s Creek. This is the real world. And I have a life time of research called ‘Being a Woman on Public Transport’ to support my ideas.

So I’m sorry if the idea that women want to be safe from the daily barrage of crap you throw at us is hurtful. It seems so many of you are moved to tweet, maybe whilst on public transport, maybe whilst ignoring the awkwardness of a woman being harassed three seats down.

I am tired of pretending to be on the phone, pretending to know other women on public transport to defuse harassment situations and most of all I am tired of pretending to care about your feelings. Close your legs,  get your hand off my thigh, log off twitter and shut up.

SPAnswers- gender(queer), fatphobia, abstinence & polyamory.

Q.How do I explain to feminists that I respect that it's oppressive to deny that fatphobia/thin privilege is a thing?

A.The problem here is that feminists come in all different shapes and sizes, and by that I don’t mean they are varying in weight (although they are), but rather that they hold very different values.

The one thing I think most self-defined feminists have in common is their belief in equality and that all people should be treated equally. In detail that means that regardless of gender, sexual orientation, religion and ethnicity all people should be treated equally economically, socially and legally. And if it extends to all that, then it should extend to weight & size.

With that in mind a feminist should, in theory, want someone who is ‘fat’ to be equal to someone who is ‘thin’. In our society that unfortunately isn’t true. If I, as a self-defined fat person, could walk into a high street shop and know they had my size, or if I could not worry about fitting into the rides at Alton Towers, or if I could go to the doctors for a flu jab and not come out with a leaflet about weight loss then yeah, sure, I’d agree that people are equal regardless of weight. Anyone who can do all that has thin privilege: the luxury of going a day without thinking about their weight and size.

Fatphobia is the reason I can’t do that stuff – it is the constantly reinforced idea that fat people are lazy, unhealthy slobs and as such clothes manufacturers don’t need to produce clothes in their size and doctors don’t need to understand underlying issues because after all, they’ve brought it on themselves haven’t they? It’s the treatment of overweight people as too stupid to understand ‘move more, eat less’ (even though it’s not always that simple). It’s the treatment of overweight people as sub-human.

No one likes to admit they have privilege, or that privilege even exists. It makes most of us feel a bit dirty. So I would reassure whomever you’re trying to talk to about this issue that it’s okay to feel like that, and that we all have some privilege. I would then try to open a dialogue about why they deny fatphobia and thin privilege, or why they think it’s not oppressive to do that. Perhaps ask them what they think the reason they don’t stock a size 18 in every shop is. Because there’s not enough shelf space to have all those sizes? Because there’s not enough demand for size 18s? Because size 18 people *want* their own shop where they can pay twice the price for specialist clothes? If they can see there is no reason for this except to make certain people feel unequal then the next step is to accept the inequality exists and accept that denying it, as denying any inequality, is oppressive.

Q. I've never felt especially attached to my gender identity (outside of the ascriptive shit that I get from most of society); I'm wondering what does it feel like to be gender queer (or how did you know you were GQ)?

A. I’d like to preface this by saying there is no one, common genderqueer experience, nor is there a “right” way to be genderqueer. That being said, this is my experience of it:

I'm AFAB (assigned female at birth) and still identify fairly closely with that; I use female pronouns, I identify as a woman - though a genderqueer one - and my presentation is decidedly femme (gender identity and gender presentation are different things, of course, but for me they are linked).

I started exploring my gender identity when I was around 17, after I discovered feminism and queer theory and began to question the gender binary. I went through a range of identities, trying to find where I fit – bigender, agender, genderfluid… but none of them felt right. I eventually found that what I feel most comfortable with is the broadness and freedom that I feel ‘genderqueer’ gives me. For me, being genderqueer is part of my radical and political queerness, and it affords me absolute freedom in my self-expression and identity.

Q. pip- how can you do abstinence and polyamoury, surely those are two conflicting lifestyles

A. Although I practised abstinence at a time in my life i didn't self define as polyamorous, I don't feel like they're conflicting. Abstinence was a decision (seperate from my experience of asexuality) to take some time away from erotic behaviour so that I could rebuild and reaccess my relationship to my sex. This allowed me to develop a healthier relationship with sex.
Polyamory as a relationship orientation doesn't mean sex with many people (although it doesn't rule that out) it means multiple relationships (relationships can be formed on sex, kink, romantic attraction or a mixture).
My ability to be a 'good' sexual partner (e.g. understanding, patient, relaxed, unexpectant) comes from my ability to maintain a healthy personal relationship with sex which I personally used abstinence as a tool to allow myself room to develop.
I'm certain that should I decide to become abstinent for a period of time (to allow myself space to learn to be understanding, patient, relaxed and unexpectant with myself) now, anyone I'm sexually involved in would support my decision to do so.

Got a question about this post or about gender, sexuality or relationships? Ask it anonymously at- http://ask.fm/SPAnswersquestions and have it reviewed and answered by a team of fabulous people.

Sexy Politics answers your questions

What is SPAnswers?
Sexy Politics Answers is a new project I'm launching to offer people the opportunity to ask questions of people with a range of experiences, opinions, ideas and solutions. From 'how do I tell my partner about my sexual health status?' to 'how does class interact with sexual dynamic?' and everything inbetween and beyond.
Did you ever have a question that you felt you couldn't ask friends, family or partners? Ever wonder if everybody does that thing or how you can find people who enjoy it? The time for those questions, dear friends, is now.

How can I ask a question?
You can ask a question here- http://ask.fm/SPAnswersquestions
We'll answer questions on a regular basis by publishing them in posts on this blog and then linking the post to you on ask.fm. By doing this we are able to educate and support others who may be experiencing similar concerns or interests as you, whilst ensuring your anonymity.

What can I ask about?
The focus of this project is to answer questions on sexuality, sex, gender & relationships. Some topics are suggested in the profiles of the advisors below. We will endevour to answer any questions you ask us, but where we aren't qualified to answer (e.g. medical/legal advice) we may signpost you to a resource or person who is better equipped to answer.
We're happy to take questions on identy in relation to sex(uality), gender and relationships e.g. 'How can I navigate impaired mobility within a ablenormative BDSM setting?' But for accounts of experiencing structural oppression on a day to day basis http://www.liberateyourself.co.uk is an excellent resource.

Who will answer my questions?
I'm glad you asked! A spectacular range of amazing individuals will answer your questions! This group will grow as/when your interests and the rate at which you ask questions changes.
If you would prefer a certain advisor answers your question, feel free to stipulate this on ask.fm.*

Hi, I’m K. I’m a polysexual genderqueer girl in a 24/7 power exchange relationship, in which I’m submissive. I’m strongly committed to intersectional feminism and love comics. Topics I’m especially happy to answer questions on include BDSM/kink, trans*- and/or queer-ness, feminism, and allyship - but I’ll also answer things that fall outside of those categories if I feel capable!

Hello, I'm Susuana, I am a heterosexual, demi-ace, cis-woman. I'll answer all reasonable questions the way best I can, no really personal stuff though.

I describe myself as a pseudopansexual genderqueer. My mother has Multiple Sclerosis, and my father has been absent since I was aged 9. I have Asperger's Syndrome and have always, in some way, expressed myself as queer. I am about to begin studying an MSc in Cognitive Neuroscience at Birkbeck College, University of London. I am a kinky (switch), slutty, poly, Christian queer, and an unpaid, indefatigable 24/7 feminist biatch.

Hi, I'm Alex. I'm 20, and I identify primarily as a Queer Guy, with a splash of grey asexuality. I'm a student, and I love to be busy. When considering a question I will always adopt an open minded, sex positive approach. I'm a fan of solution-based thinking, considering what is going right and projecting about how it can get better, that way specific answers will play to the individuals strengths and what they excel at, rather than what I am good at!

Hello, I’m Lucy. I’m a pansexual cis-woman currently in a long-term monogamous heterosexual relationship. I work in the travel industry and in my spare time I like to bake, play board games, and practise hairstyles that minimise my double-chin. I have two pet rats, a growing collection of dictionaries and I am a connoisseur of tea and biscuits. I’m happy to answer questions on relationships, including monogamy and cheating; sexuality; sex, including different methods and styles but also about communicating about sex with partners and others; sexual health, body image and body confidence, including fatphobia; feminism; drugs and alcohol; and most other reasonable questions. My approach to answering questions will come from a non-judgmental, honest and confidential position based on my own personal experiences and knowledge, and I’ll provide references to further information where I can. Looking forward to responding to questions!

Hello! I'm Anna. I'm a submissive queer poly trans woman with somewhat limited experience in "the kink scene", but will answer any questions I feel confident to answer to the best of my ability :)

Hi, I'm Pip. I'm a cis woman (and femme with tendancies to wear fake moustaches). I have experience with- lesbianism, bi*sexuality, heterosexuality, asexuality, polyamory, BDSM/kink, abstinence, sluthood and stone...ness. I'm happy to take questions on the above as well as liberation politics, feminism, fatphobia, masturbation, method, consent, sex positivity, body positivity, gender, (dis)ability and class. I like fruit tea, feminist porn, writing, collecting sex toys and my cuddling method can be defined as- cat.

Hi, I'm Ellie, I'm a genderqueer, pansexual, polyamorous, psychology student from Wales. I work at a swingers club, run sexual health campaigns and enjoy some BDSM/kink. I'm happy to take questions on these as best I can.

* Purposely offensive/oppressive questions or questions used to bully or intimidate individuals will not be published. They will not pass the moderation process and as such the advisors will not see them.

5 Things That Aren't Racism

Ok, let me preface this post by saying that as a mixed race person who is percieved to be wholly white- I experience a lot of white privilege. Racism I've experienced has mainly been verbal abuse and it most certainly hasn't been often. You could say I'm lucky that I don't have to worry about experiencing racism. You could say I'm unlucky because I exist in a society that has racism (and other oppression) at all. Because I experience white privilege I usually keep my mouth shut on what constitutes the oppression of people of colour (PoC) because I'm not experiencing 99% of it.
But this post is to society at large, and it's about what isn't racism, what shouldn't be compared to racism and why and as someone who has experienced racism, I feel entitled to outline these points.

5 Things that aren't racism

1. A white person taking the piss out of Justin Bieber for being American

Whilst you might really like Justin Bieber and want to defend his honour...don't try and change the meaning of the word 'race'. The dictionary definition may be 'classes of people' but you know that 'racism' relates to oppression on the basis of ethnicity. Just like we understand that class usually relates to socio-economic and cultural background. Xenophobia is different to racism. And to be honest xenophobia has a more heartbreaking effect on someone trying to emigrate from another country to ours than it has on Justin Bieber. Some wealthy celebrity goes on living his life, those who experience oppression get their lives shaped for them by racism and xenophobia. Put down the strawman argument and step away from the false premise. (Sidenote- someone actually argued this exact point with me, twice.)

2. When a PoC is mean to you
(Sidenote- I'm paraphrasing from tumblr here)
What racism is-
The continued devestation of counties with bombs and wars, the historic and unrelenting oppression of PoC, the continued under employment, bigotry and disadvantage experienced by PoC.
What white people think racism is-
A black girl in school was mean to me.

3. Homophobia
I've spoken previously about how uncomfortable I am with white LGBT people conflating homophobia with racism. Not because I think one is worse, but because a white LGBT person only experiences one of these things and doesn't have the experience to talk on the other with authority.
The homophobic response to same sex marriage is not the same as segregation.
STAAHP.

4. When Diane Abbott points out facts
(Sidenote- I'm not promoting or condoning Abbott's politics or Labour) So Abbott once tweeted 'White people love playing 'divide and rule' We should not play their game.' The media was alight with people talking about 'reverse racism' and 'racism against white people' and to that I say- LOOOL.

Another time, Abbott stated that the 'British invented racism'. So white people get all upset because Diane Abbott is making generalisations about them as a group. She's making out that someone who has a privileged position due to being white (in a country that had, lets say, a little hand in imperialism and the slave trade, which created white supremacy) still have imperialist values.

Well guess what? She's right. And as a PoC in a country that still has racist values she cannot possibley oppress privileged white people by pointing out facts. If her comments offend you more than this then you're a victim of your own privileged ego.

5. Someone calling all men 'bastards'
Let's compare two situations
Situation a- someone who isn't a man says 'Oh, Jeff really pissed me off today, why are all men such bastards?'
Outcome- Jeff may be upset if he hears, but he maintains his male privilege anyway.

Situation b- a white person uses a racist slur in a room full of white people.
Outcome- the historical oppression, enslavement and marginalisation of PoC began the use of racist words, the continued use of them maintains a system that sees PoC as less than (linguistics, innit). Language stregnthens and maintains value systems and the other white people in the room see that this word is 'acceptable' in this context.
Hey, guess what? A person generalising about men isn't the same as the structural oppression of generations of people, and the maintainance of that through saying words that were tools of that oppression. Your hurt feelings don't license you to compare or conflate someone being mean to the oppression of a group you don't define into. Get over yourself.