International Coming Out Day

5 problems with sex positivity

Although I am a sex positive activist, I don't believe subscribing to any tradition, political perspective or community, uncritically, is a good idea. The problems outlined below are things I've encountered in spaces that aren't explicitly feminist. But they are important, and they do matter.

1. Men dominating conversations on women's sexuality and bodies
I've found that in a spaces that aren't feminist the oppressive power dynamics found in any other place are reitterated and validated in discussions. The discussion is usually male centered, binarist, cissexist, heteronormative, etc. Some men use sex positivity and the discourse of 'preference' as a cloak to excuse their patriarchal generalisations. E.g. 'body hair (on women) is revolting'. Sex positivity should be about challenging patriarchal notions and normative, oppressive ideas about sexuality, and it saddens me that some men are accessing sex positive spaces to do the opposite.

Benjamin Rush, Carl Von Linné, Julien Offray de la Mettrie, Sylvester Graham, Richard Von Kraft-Ebing, John H Kellog, Sigmund Freud, Alfred Kinsey, Claudius Galerius, Samuel Tissoflt- the discourse on human sexuality has been dictated by white men, some making progressive arguments, some scientific and some oppressive, but all men. Most people in the world are not white men. And our sex positive spaces should endevour to not silence those who aren't, otherwise it's just the same old shit, under a different name.

2. Shallow analysis of the roots of sex negativity
Sex is political, just like anything else. Sexual behaviour has been policed, villianised, or encouraged thoughout history depending on the political climate. There's definitely positives in addressing the symptom (the experience of sexual shame and repression) but the discussuon of the cause is important for true progression. Sex positivity in relation to capitalism, sex positivity in relation to disability, to patriarchy, to the nuclear family? These  dialogues are missing. Sex positivity cannot simply be a tool for self validation alone, but for ensuring we can break the the cycle of sexual repression.

3. Pressumptions
I believe a sex positive space should be one in which people aren't subjected to others making tired presumptions about gender, sexuality, or experience of sexual desire. When writing about sex positivity leads to relative strangers (all men) contacting me pressuming that I want to have sex with them, this reinforces the idea that a woman discussing the politics of sex is a 'cert'. No, I don't want a photograph of your sex organs. Thank you. No, talking about sex doesn't automatically mean I experience a high sex drive, or that I want to answer questions about my sexual behaviour. Thank you. No, talking about sex doesn't mean that I'm heterosexual. This dialogue is not another tool to service male pleasure, it's a tool to challenge the assumptions, not reinforce them.

4. Slighlty missing the point
Sex positivity is not about uncritically claiming that all sex is great.
a)Sex is not always positive
b)and it's not essential for everyone.
Many people have a strained relationship with sex, and their own body, they may have sexual triggers or have survived sexual abuse or rape. The sex positive movement cannot make progression if we simply plaster over the fact that sex can be a negative experience and a tool of oppression. We are failing at communicating the true purpose of sex positivity if we exclude people with sexual triggers. It's not about saying 'woohoo, sex is always fabulous' it's about recognising that human sexuality is diverse, complicated and often an emotive topic. It's about saying that there is no 'wrong' way for a person to express their sexuality, or asexuality. We shouldn't be silencing survivors of sexual abuse, we should be shaming institutions that normalise it, we should be discussing consent.

People may choose not to engage in erotic behaviour and still lead rich, fulfilling lives. Sex positivity should not be about interveining to educate people who choose not to have sex, to tell them what they're missing. Sex positivity should not be about forcing people to discuss their own sexual behaviour if they don't want to, or pressuming that those who don't are victims of sexual shame.

5. Body negativity
I cannot count the number of times I've seen or partaken in discussions that transcend into body negativity. Why? Because although it's essential that sex positivity and body positivity are linked, someone forgot to put that on the group email, or the general memo. Fatshaming, thinshaming, disability shaming, normative beauty standards, body policing= not sex positive. Body positivity absolutely has to be a part of this movement because if not, then we're saying 'you only deserve sex positivity if you fit these narrow critera'. Expressions of sexuality are not hierarchical, hopefully most people realise that penetrative sex is not the Golden Chalice of erotic acts? Body types and appearences should also be discussed in a non-judgemental, non-heirarchical manner, too. Otherwise we are  shaming the tool used for the expression of human sexuality, and therefore we are encouraging sexual shame.

Conclusion? My sex positivity will be feminist, intersectional, self-critical, LGBTQ inclusive, disability positive, and radical, or it will be bullshit.

Got a question about this post or about gender, sexuality or relationships? Ask it anonymously at- http://ask.fm/SPAnswersquestions and have it reviewed and answered by a team of fabulous people.

Mary Lambert- marry me?!

So Mary Lambert is a singer and spoken word artist who has worked with some guy you might have heard of called Macklemore? She's not single. We've never met. And she's not going to marry me.

But today I read something written by her that made me want to ask her to. In fact, it made me want to stand on top of a big hill and throw glitter around. Mary Lambert is...well...pretty fucking amazing!

I think a lot about how the media and music industry never produce people 'like me' or never show people like the people I know. And I know I'm in a comfortable little bubble. Most of my friends define into multiple liberation groups and are intersectional feminists, socialists, anarchist or just have genuinely shit hot politics.

So when I see celebrities and musicians who think rape jokes are hilarious and being fat is a crime- it shocks me. But not as much as it should. Because we get used to the idea that things like body positivity, self care, and working against the stigma of mental health are things we have to do. Things we have to talk about and things musicians & celebrities are so detached from that we stopped reading magazines and watch MTV years ago.

That's what I did think. Now I saw Lambert's performance of I Know Girls a while ago and posted it on facebook. Basically, I forgot about it because I thought it was a fluke. But tonight I saw what Mary Lambert had written and I was blown away. I read about her life. All I could think was 'this sounds like someone I could have an excellent feminist rant with' (basically the yard stick by which I measure friendships).

So, old me, you were wrong. There are successful people out there that have brilliant politics. They didn't have to dillute themselves or disregard their values to get there.

I'm not saying it's a war won. I'm saying it's a battle I had chalked up as a loss...reopened?

Anyway, I'll leave you with the a quote from the woman I'm not going to marry. But who I'd quite like to rant with. And who happens to be spreading this message to millions of people.

When you shame another’s weight (be it thin or fat), when you claim to call out someone’s body size because you “care” about their health, it is not a beneficial statement in any sense of the word, and in actuality is far more harmful to any progress a person might have with relation to their health. What right do you have to talk about someone else’s body or health? You are hammering a distorted ideology that they are not normal, that they are not worthy, and convincing them that they are going to die early. The reason that there is a body positive movement is because we’re celebrating our bodies for the magic that they are and the beautiful things they are capable of.

To Russia with Love

(If you wish to add your name to this letter please email pipgeorgeson@gmail.com. Please put the subject of your email as 'Russia Letter' and include your name as you would like it to appear in the body of your email.)

We, the undersigned, wish to extend our steadfast solidarity to those suffering under and fighting against the oppressive 'homosexual propaganda' law in Russia. As a community we believe the radical history of our movement shows that change is possible and we remain dedicated to working towards this change.

Many media outlets have reported that the LGBT community is simply concerned about this law as a threat to our athletes. Whilst we do worry for all those travelling to Russia, this is not the whole story. We feel this coverage provides only a superficial insight into our concerns and neglects to recognise our other alignment. Our alignment is to those trodden on by these laws everyday, those who live with the marginalisation and fear bred and normalised by this legislation. It is you, our LGBT siblings in Russia to whom we send our love and support.

To Putin, to each of the four hundred and thirty six individuals who voted through this law we say; your deeds will not be forgotten. The world is watching as you legitimise the oppression of millions of your citizens. For individuals such as yourself who occupy a privileged position in society, you cannot understand the strength found in shared struggle. The link between LGBT people will not be stopped by legislative boundaries, borders or language barriers. You cannot hope to contain it. This link will exist until true liberation of all oppressed groups is achieved.

When you make freedom to talk about identity illegal, when you arrest our siblings for their trans* status and sexuality; we see the nature of the society you wish to build. A society in which the suffering of LGBT people is deepened and celebrated. A society that does not allow people to fight for liberation. You wish to maintain a world where neo-Nazis can beat a woman for being transgender without arrest but Pride marches are attacked by police. A society where young people are 'protected' from healthy and inclusive discussions about sexuality and gender, and so are taught to supress and despise their own. It is a society where 'traditional family values' is code for regressive attacks on groups of your choosing. We find your actions vile and unjust. And we refuse to stay silent. When you attack any of the LGBT community, you attack us all. When you deny people the right to fight for their own liberation you only strengthen the empathy shown to them by people who share their struggle, around the world.

To our LGBT siblings in Russia; know that when you march against injustice the spirit of our movement is carried with you. When you are erased by bigotry know that we see you. Within each continent, every country, city, town, there are LGBT people who struggle to fight against the particular discrimination of their government. We believe that we have more in common through this struggle than with those who run our countries.

Let us offer you our strength where yours may falter. Let us offer you our hands to help when yours are tied by institutional  homophobia and transphobia. Should you wish us to boycott the winter Olympics we will. If you want us to march in the streets we will. Should you wish us to publicise the atrocities visited upon you by the Russian government, to speak the names of those killed and detained, to keep their struggle alive; we shall.

Our message to you is simple- we see your struggle, we stand with you and we await your reply.

In solidarity,

В РОССИЮ С ЛЮБОВЬЮ Мы, нижеподписавшиеся, хотели бы выразить нашу непоколебимую солидарность с теми людьми, кто страдает от деспотического закона о запрете так называемой “пропаганды гомосексуализма” в России и борется с ним. Являясь единым сообществом, мы верим в то, что история нашего движения, наполненная событиями, радикально изменившими ход общей истории, показывает нам, что перемены возможны, и мы продолжим целенаправленно двигаться к этой цели. Многие средства массовой информации утверждали, что сообщество ЛГБТ волнуется по поводу этого закона лишь потому, что он представляет собой угрозу нашим атлетам. И хотя мы на самом деле беспокоимся за всех тех людей, которые приезжают в Россию в качестве туристов, это не полностью отражает ситуацию. Мы полагаем, что освещение событий именно в таком ключе является лишь поверхностным пониманием наших забот и игнорирует наши идеи объединения с такими же людьми, как мы, только притесняемые подобными законами ежедневно, живущими в условиях маргинализации и страха, порождаемого подобными законами, страха, который таким образом превращается в обыденность. Это вам, наши ЛГБТ- братья и сестры в России, передаем мы наш привет и выражаем поддержку. Путину и каждому из всех четырех сотен тридцати шести человек, которые проголосовали за этот закон, мы говорим: ваши поступки забыты не будут. Мир следит за тем, как вы легитимизируете угнетение миллионов ваших граждан. Являясь людьми, занимающими превилегированное положение в обществе, вы не сможете понять ту силу, которая возникает и объединяет нас в общей борьбе. Связи между ЛГБТ не будут прерваны законодательными барьерами, границами или языковыми препятствиями. Вы не сможете нас сдержать, как ни надейтесь. Эта связь не прервется до того момента, пока не станут по-настоящему свободными все угнетаемые люди. Когда вы даете себе свободу говорить о том, что какое-то самовосприятие является незаконным, когда арестовываете наших братьев и сестер за их транс-сознание и сексуальность, мы видим, какое на самом деле общество вы хотите построить. Общество, в котором страдания ЛГБТ становится еще более сильным и резонансным. Общество, которое не дает людям возможность бороться за свободу. Вы хотите жить в мире, в котором неонацисты могут избить женщину за то, что она трансгендер, и оставить их безнаказанными, а шествия ЛГБТ подавляются полицией. Общество, в котором дети “защищены” от трезвого и всестороннего разговора о вопросах сексуальности и пола, в котором их учат подавлять и прятать собственную сексуальность. Общество, в котором “традиционные семейные ценности” являются правилом, позволяющим совершать агрессивные нападки на группы людей по вашему собственному усмотрению. Мы считаем ваши действия подлыми и несправедливыми. Мы не будем молчать. Когда вы нападаете на какую-то группу ЛГБТ, вы выступаете против нас всех. Когда вы отказываете человеку в праве на борьбу за свою свободу, вы лишь увеличиваете чувство сопереживания со стороны людей, которые участвуют в такой же борьбе по всему миру. Нашим ЛГБТ-братьям и сестрам в России: помните, что когда вы выходите на улицу в борьбе против несправедливости, наше движение тоже не забывает о вас. Когда вас исключают из общества проявлениями нетерпимости, мы видим вас. На каждом континенте, в каждой стране, городе, селении есть ЛГБТ, которые борются против дискриминации со стороны властей. Мы верим, что у нас гораздо больше общего благодаря этой борьбе, чем у тех, кто руководит нашими странами. Хотим выразить нашу поддержку всем, кому её не хватает. Хотим подать руку всем, чьи собственные руки связаны узаконенной гомофобией и трансофобией. Если вы хотите, чтобы мы бойкотировали зимние Олимпийские игры, мы сделаем это. Если вы хотите, чтобы мы вышли на улицу, мы сделаем это. Если вы хотите, чтобы мы предали известности те зверства, которые совершает в отношении вас российская власть, предать гласности имена всех, кто был убит и брошен в тюрьму, чтобы поддержать их в этой борьбе, мы сделаем это. Мы хотим донести до вас простую мысль: мы видим вашу борьбу, мы рядом с вами и ждем вашего ответа. Выражая нашу солидарность,

Kashka

Jacques Gonseaux

Tom Mycock, Unite rep, Leicester

Matt T

Tom McCarthy

Mx Geo Leonard

Morgan Millicheap

Jenny Hacket

Sky Yarlett

Yolly Chegwidden, NUS LGBT Committee

Clare B

Dave Sherbert

Rhodri Roberts

Francesca Pirovano

Amy Addison Dunne

Dan Stone

Becca Dye

Jack

Dan Conama

Logan Lawson

Morgan Hale

Caroline Leneghan

Alex Louise Wheller

K. Pearse, Liberation Officer at Warwickshire College (Lemington) SU

Kier. A. Sinclair

Senora Nicola Skotudoodah

Lynn- D Fletcher

Lea Howard

Sarah Noble

Emily Rae Fowler

Andi Herring

Matthew S

Naomi B

Rachel Smith

Charley Hasted

K. Marsden

Josh Davies

Rhiannon Lowton

Anna Cat

Martyn Price

Rosie Huzzard NUS NEC, NCAFC NC and PCS DWP Sheffield Young Members Officer

Aaron Booth

Kaylan Hughes

Nick Fischer

Jo Smith

L. Webb

Dan Fahey (Committee for Workers' International)

Rob Young

Sarah Lynn

Lani Baird

Alison Stevenson

Liat Norris

Fran Cowling, NUS LGBT Committee

Shian Streadwick-Augustine-Cain

Elliott Marshall, LIV.FAST Network

Claire Hornby

Michael Stickland

Chua Zhong Xian

Rachel Ivens

Felicity Dowling

Codie Louise Austin

Stephen J. Wright

Matthew Smith

Osman Bhatti

Sarah K

Tina Rawr, Equal Rights

Alex Prestage

Nyssa Blakeley

Gareth Kirman

Kris Bailey

Emma-Jane Samworth

Amelia Bradley-Newby

Sean.C

Emma Pooka

Trish Clinton NUS LGBT Committee Bi* Rep

Aura Willow Hazel

Daria Hopwood

What would your sex map look like?

Newsflash- diverse language to describe sexual preferences isn't limited to the queer community. Who'd have thought it?! Well, a lot of people actually.

In the world of queer I'm used to the discourse of sex. We have a wide and ever expanding set of terms we used to specicfy, negotiate and demonstrate how, who, why, where, what. (E.g. stone femme, stone butch, top, bottom, switch, pillow queen, spaghetti, barebacking, scissoring, rimming and on and on).

And why do we have this jargon? Well it's because we understand that sex isn't simply a do or don't. There's no formula, no plan, no rules to how someone can experience pleasure. The language is amazing and serves a really important purpose. Through it we can understand our friends, ourselves and our sexual partners' needs, wants and boundaries.

But is there a better way to communicate this? Would a diagram help? A nice little up front visual representation of the 'want will won't' system? A sex map!?

In an interview with Seattle Psychology Allena Gabosch stated that human sexuality is a 'globe'. That really struck me, it's an excellent metaphor. And it means we can all 'explore' (if we wish) the varied lands of sexuality, sexual preference and fetish/kink.

I didn't really think about this much more until I noticed (on a few OK Cupid profiles) links to a particular website where you can map your experiences, desires and boundaries. People had theirs right out there for prospective dates to see. And though obviously, open communication between sexual partners will never be replaced, the kink map could prosper where ego and sexual shame prevents communication.

Now, this version definitely isn't perfect. It only details kink and some of the acts it has on it are pretty gimmicky. And some I'd never heard of, for instance 'the jelly donut'. But it's a start. I'd love to see a version of this that takes into account not only fetish, but sexuality and relationships. There are some things I think shouldn't be on the map too, for instance the island of non-consent? (I'm not talking about agreeing to forgo consent and having a safe word). Non-consent isn't sex for any person involved.

That aside, the concept of the Human Sex Map is excellent. And it really demonstrates how diverse sexuality and sexual preference is. But would you be willing make yours public?

(If you have any queries, suggestions or funny pictures of cats please get in touch via facebook or by emailing me pipgeorgeson@gmail.com)

(Belated) Sexy Sunday- Sex Positive Profile- Xander Prestage

1. Name- Xander Prestage

2. Occupation- Student

3. How do you self-define?-
Queer, PanHomoAsexyMess

4. What does the word sex mean to you?-
Straight in at the deep end! For me sex is a connection shared between people, using their bodies. I like to keep the whole concept as loose and fluid as I can because each time I have sex it is so individual and unique.

5. What does the sex positive movement mean to you?-
Being sex positive, for me, means not being shamed into silence. It means promoting a healthy discourse between partners, parents, children and friends, refusing to acknowledge that sex happens and the massively diverse range of emotions and consequences it brings to people's lives is a mistake.

6. Quick Fire
Sweet or savoury-I'm a starters kind of guy, savoury.
Book or film-BOOK!
Rainbow or glitter-Tasteful Rainbow.
Unicorns or dinasours-Dinosaurs, I think.
The Smiths or The Clash-Emotions vs Angst? Ahhh can't choose.
Lights on or off-Mood lights, fuck yeah.
Candles or fairy lights-Fairy lights, round the headboard (see above ;) )
Cuddles or love letters-Cuddles
Porn or literotica-oooooh, morally and politically erotica, realistically - 'good' porn
Online dating or set ups-Set me up!
Cats or dogs-Not even a competition, caaats
Spongebob or tigger-Tigger, just for the tail.

7. What's your favourite sex posi resource?- My favourite resource has to be Laci Green's YouTube channel. She presents a range of issues in a really well delivered way. I see her channel as a gateway to sex positive resources. My favourite video of hers is probably her discussion of virginity as a social construct.

8. Your perfect date? (If money were no object)-
Mine is cheap as chips anyway! Never mind the money. It has to be a night round an open fire in the woods, blankets and all the other relevant panoply. Then adjourning into a canvas tent for cuddles.

9. What was your sex ed like in school? Good points/bad points? Marks out of 10?-
Ha! Urm, all I can remember is drawing penises and labeling them, although we did one interesting, if nothing else, activity - washing line up, classmates take it in turns to place gestures or friendship/relationship on the washing line with stranger at one end and life partner at the other. Then have the class break out laughing when handjobs gets put closer to the stranger end than shaking hands... sadly it wasn't so and I shook far more hands than I got handjobs throughout my school career. 4/10

10. What's your wildest sexual experience?-
Threesome happened, MMM. WILD NIGHT.

11. At what age did you start masturbating?-
Urrrrrm, I was a late bloomer and this actually was a pretty big source of anxiety for me. I didn't hit puberty whilst other guys had to shave daily. 15?

12. What are your political views?-
Anarcho-Socialist sort of thing.

13. Who is your sex idol?-
Hmmm, Jake Bass - Porn Star. Get's to know his scene partners for a couple of days, is always safe, bit of an alternative look with the tattoos and plugs, and the gifs on tumblr...

14.
Love to-Aggressivley kiss.
Sometimes will- Rim.
Uncomfortable with- Fisting.

15. What is your sex motto?-
I don't know if I have one set in stone really, I just like to enjoy myself. If you can't laugh about the sex you are having you probably aren't ready to be having it.

16. What is your true passion in life?-
People, I love people. As cliche and vapid as it sounds. I study linguistics and I love the Sociolinguistics, the study of language and society does stuff to me. If you can talk good language and gender theory you may as well kiss me now.

17. You send one sex positive message out into the word in 7 words, what is it?-
"Porn is not a healthy representation of sex"

18. Do you believe everyone has a kink? If so what's yours?-
I don't really know to be honest, I'm pretty vanilla. I like a bit of biting and gentle scratching, although have had some more vigorous experiences (not complaining at all!). Also, showersex; yes please.

19. How do you define you relationship status at the moment?-
Hmmmm, a monogamous work in progress? It's a really hard one to define for me.

20. Where can we see more of you?-
Tumblaaaar: http://praevaleo.tumblr.com/
Twitter:
@greyjoydivision

(I'm hoping to run a sex positive profile each Sunday to give sex positive activists a chance to talk about themselves and offer networking opportunities and have fun with nice people.

LGBT News in the last 7 days

So I'm trying out a few different ideas on here this week. One of them is a round-up of news on certain topics from the last seven days. Let me know what you think; do you like this format? Would you prefer more insight into the stories? Have I missed any news you think should be here? You can either contact me on facebook, comment on this blog or email me pipgeorgeson@gmail.com.

1. Section 28 Returns in Academies
It emerges this week that several academies have retained or adopted policy to 'ban the prommotion of homosexuality in classrooms' in the style of Section 28. The '80s called- they want their regressive legislation back.

2. Athletes Kiss in Protest to Russia's Anti-LGBT Law
Yeah, fuck you, Putin.

3. People in Northern Ireland join activists around the world in protesting Russia's law

4. and the Miss World host quits over it, too.

5. Radio host thinks 'The Gays' and their insistence on human rights is oppressive.
I fully believe that with a bottle of this woman's tears, the rainbow flag and the right incantation; I could summon an army of Aggressive Homosexuals.

6. The Mysterious Case of Nikoli Alekseev
The facebook account of a prominent LGBT activist in Russia was vanished after some uncharacteristic statuses and some strange and worring pictures were posted on it.

7. (Massive trigger warning for transphobia and violence) A Russian transwoman is stripped and beaten in public.
Horrific story, horrific incident, beware that images are included in this article.

8. Queerfest in Canada
Looks pretty awesome. The article has a comment section at the bottom with one phobic contribution. Sigh.

9.Puerto Rico takes steps forward in LGBT inclusion
You Go Glen CoCo.

10. Gay Porn company to give all profits to help the LGBT community
Yay!

Sexy Sunday- Communication and Negotiation Resources for Sex & BDSM.

So lately I've been thinking about sex and BDSM and why the two are so massively misrepresented in the mainstream media. Sex is either not spoken about or taken as something to be 'performed well'. Kink and BDSM get a worse deal, either being represented as something only engaged in by people who are in some way emotionally unhealthy (show me a person who is wholly emotionally healthy? Like, come on!) or worse yet, it's depicted as a '50 Shades of Grey' nightmare. Don't get me wrong, I understand that dubious consent is A Thing in kink erotic literature, where we have the narrative view of each characters' secret desires (still problematic in cases), but that's not BDSM.

Anyhoo, what seems to be missing in the dialogue on sex is the idea of negotiation. (Sex isn't just going to be perfect and awesome the first time without any verbal communication.) And what the kink and sex positive community do really well is; communicate and negotiate.

When I talk about negotiation I don't mean 'How can I get my partner(s) to do a thing they hate?'. I mean outlining and navigating a space where all those participating feel comfortable enough to engage and recognising that this space isn't a permenant fixture. One of the greatest things a person can do for themselves is recognise that sexuality, and sexual tastes can change. Right now you might be a lesbian sadist. If these factors shift or your boundaries move in the next however-many-years-you-live don't be too hard on yourself.

So, today, from the comfort of my bed, whilst wearing possibley the least sexy item ever (a onsie) I'm bringing you some resources. All I ask is that you give them a chance. You may not feel BDSM is relevant to you, and it might not be, but the skills of negotiation and communication are necessary for everyone.
Happy Sunday.

1. The Sex Positive Movement
(A series of videos from Seattle Psychology with the director of Seattle's Center for Sex Positive Culture. There are about seven at 10 minutes(ish) each.) These videos are important, they detail that sex positivity isn't about always being all 'Yay for sex!!' but that it's about understanding. And that sexual shame is not conducive to building healthy relationships with people or sex/kink.

2. Five Golden Rules for BDSM *TW* abuse
(Video less that 10 minutes) Laci Green discusses the difference between BDSM and abuse and outlines five rules that are pretty useful for any activity that requires intimacy or sex.

3. A System for Negotiating Sexual Boundaries
(A video less than 5 minutes) from Sexplanations that details how to negotiate and outines a system for communicating boundaries and interests.

4. Rules and Boundaries
(A short article) on things to be learnt from the sex positive community. This article isn't just about sex but also physical contact and affection with friends. It's only downfall is the continued use of the word 'girls'.

5. Negotiating Sex- Why not to keep quiet
(Video, about 5 minutes) I only found these two recently, but they're brilliant. They answer questions and dispell myths and talk about sex really openly. In this video they talk about the sensitive nature of negotiating sex and how one of them once suffered in silence because of fear of doing so.

Resources- supporting the trans* community.

Download this powerpoint for free.

Guest Blog- Alex Prestage's Statement on Sexism at the Womens Ambassador's Solidarity Address

Conference,

I hate that I have to address this, however I feel I cannot leave it unsaid:

This afternoon [20th April] I witnessed the derailing of the Women’s Ambassador’s Solidarity address. This derailing came in the way of foregrounding “men’s issues” in a space specifically designated for those who do not define as women to hear about issues pertaining to the Women’s Campaign. The address by was an opportunity for allies to present themselves and to show our solidarity with women’s liberation. In the ensuing aftermath of the address there was little solidarity to be seen.

Jo Johnson gave us, those that do not define as women, a chance to co-operate and reach a greater level of understanding of the oppression that Women face; in day to day life, and apparently at conference. Instead patriarchy struck again.

After presumably listening to the address, covering the basics of feminist principles, and the floor was opened to questions the men in the room continued to side-line women’s liberation. Rather than discuss key issues of Rape Culture and slut shaming we heard about men’s struggle with HIV and the Blood Ban – each already discussed on conference floor that very day, and each not specific to men. It was the silencing of women’s issues that, as a feminist – ally or not – infuriated me, the persistent whining about “Men’s Caucus” despite being given a position on the matter, the aggressive nature and tone of some of the questions, the gang-like mentality a few of the audience adopted truly fucking sickened me.

The knowing, or unknowing sabotage of the address demeaned and undermined Women’s continuing struggle to fight sexism and oppression by the hands of a Patriarchal society. The attendance of the address was disappointing in itself – it should not be left to a few Feminist Allies to aide and support Women in their liberation, and conference I assure you there were Allies present. However, their efforts were drowned in a sea of misbegotten “oppression”. I would like to thank the allies present; as I am sure the women’s campaign would also, it would be wrong to not recognise their efforts.

I will leave you with one final message:

Gentlemen, check your fucking privilege.

Polytines: Polyamory and Valentines Day; the dilemas and the advantages of.

Communication is a huge factor in most polyamorous relationships anyway, (why wait until February 14th to tell all the special people in your life that they're special?) but Valentines Day can be a tricky one. I've collected some of the best personal problems and advantages of Polytines Day.

Let's start with the advantages:

1. You get to celebrate more than once, with different people in different ways.

2. Your partners know you in different ways and you have different things in common. One of them doesn't like prawns? (NOTE: I have a huge phobia of prawns) Don't stress it, you'll be able to go to your favourite seafood restaurant with another partner.

3. If you're in a triad or a quad and this means shared responsibility. Two heads are better than one, and this comes in handy when deciding on the other partners' present.

4. That married couple you've been dating have celebrated many Valentines Days together and now that you're in the picture they're both happy to have someone else to treat on Valentines Day. Woo hoo!

5. Your poly family gathering means that this celebration is more like Christmas! But better, Christmas with more sex.

6. The fact that you believe Valentines Day is a capitalist construct which attempts to claim human emotion and sell it back to consumers in order to validate love, doesn't matter, because your primary has a new partner that they are dying to spend the evening with.

7. You've been having a sexual relationship with one person and a romantic relationship with another you get to spend time with them both.

8. More partners= more chance one of them will be able to cook and more chance that one of them will enjoy your favourite album (The Moldy Peaches)

9. More sex. More people to send cards to!

10. Less monogamous drama!! It's easy come easy go. (Puns intended)

Now the disadvantages:

1. You'd think you'd get to celebrate more than once, but you just end up sacking someone off for the night.

2. Your new partner surprises you with a visit to their favourite seafood restaurant (they don't know about your massive phobia of prawns). Panic attacks are sexy, right?

3. You're in a triad or a quad and so today means you're now skint for the rest of February. Thanks capitalism.

4. That married couple you've been dating have been invited to a couples' dinner party, it's a tradition with friends and now you're stuck at home, listening to your housemate intermittently cry and wank.

5. Your poly family gathering turns out more like Christmas than you could imagine, in an argument.

6. Fucking brilliant, your only partner at the moment believes Valentines Day is a capitalist construct which attempts to claim human emotion and sell it back to consumers in order to validate love.

7. You've been having a sexual relationship with one person and a romantic relationship with another. They live at opposite ends of the country.

8. The sad truth is that no one but me likes The Moldy Peaches album and I will always overcook the vegetables.

9. You will get thrush from all the sex. And paying the postage on the Valentines cards you sent out will mean you can't afford thrush cream.

10. As a romantic gesture your partner's partner travelled up to see them! They brought flowers! You're so touched by this gesture you decide to let them have the night together and eat the romantic (although slightly overcooked) meal you made for the two of you. Ahhh the things we do for our many loves! 

On same sex marriage

Dear Rosie Cooper, 

My name is Kashka, I sit on the committee of Merseyside LGBT Students'
Network and I'm also the President of Edge Hill's LGBT+ Society. I
originally planned to contact you a few weeks ago to invite you to
partake in a debate we're holding for LGBT History Month entitled 'Is
Equal Marriage the final battle for LGBT liberation'.

 
After the vote in parliament on equal marriage, and you decision to
vote against it, you can understand why I am now not inviting you to
speak. I don't believe there are words to explain to you just how
poisonous and destructive your actions have been. The decision to vote
against granting equal rights to same sex couples was shared by bigots
from the conservative party and UKIP. 
As an individual I am hurt, as an activist I am scared and as someone
who has lived in West Lancashire for the majority of my life and been
under the care of the local authority; I am horrified. I'm horrified
that people around the country will see your name on the list of shame
(so it's entitled in an online blog) and think that your vote reflect
the opinions of those in the area. I'm horrified that the local young
people, who are too scared to come out as gay, bisexual, lesbian or
trans* will see that their local government sees them as less than
their heterosexual peers and this will feed internalised homophobia.  

You have failed to represent these young people.
You have failed to represent me.
You have failed to represent the any of the LGBT people in the
district. 
You have failed. 
You have hidden behind 'morals' without thinking of consequence,
without thinking of representation and because of that; you have failed
yourself.
I will eternally remember that the person 'representing' me in
parliament believes that I am not entitled to marry. I had previously
voted Labour because I saw them as a progressive party. Maybe they
still are and if you consider them to be; maybe you should consider
leaving. 

The damage you have done is permanent and there's nothing
Christian about it.  

 Yours, a former Labour supporter,

 Kashka Georgeson